I mean the buses, the trains, the tube, the people
Too many people
Not enough people
Calling in sick (liar)
My parents going away
My fiancé going out
My apartment, alone, the dark
Too much food
Not enough food
Shopping for food
Doing things wrong
Whatever that ‘thing’ may be
These words touch my lips more than I care to admit.
Situations arise, situations that have brought up my anxiety before and I learn my triggers. So I have the information stored, lists of things that make me anxious, in hope I can prevent it all from happening, in hope I can somehow avoid the shallow breathing, the dry mouth, the sweaty palms, the nausea, the racing thoughts. But I can’t.
What can we do when there’s a situation coming up in a month, a week, a day? A situation that we know has caused anxiety in the past?
I can feel the tension building up before the day has even reached me. Of course I can run through the techniques that I’ve been taught to help ease the worry. I’ve been encouraged to pause, to take everything one moment at a time, one step, one breath, one second and not to get carried away with the thoughts that hurtle through my mind. I’ve been taught to distract with tea, yoga, meditation, walks. To change the ‘what ifs’ to less scarier/ happier alternatives and it works, for the most part.
But there are still certain situations which terrify me, situations that I can’t get a hold of no matter how hard I try and I don’t know how to deal with them.
I have doubts about admitting this, but how else do we move past our demons?
So I apologise, because this isn’t a post with tips and tricks on how to overcome your anxiety. It’s more to say; you can still struggle. You can work on yourself with therapy, medication or self care and still have anxiety. You can prepare in every way possible, with all your techniques and still have bad days and if this happens, remind yourself that you’re not a failure, you are doing so well.
I hear you, I see you and I support you.