Today I went wedding dress shopping (did I mention that I’m getting married?)
The day that many young girls dream of, the chance of looking like a princess, expectations beyond their wildest dreams and the chance of not being compared to anyone else.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t petrified. After so many years hating my body and wishing myself away to nothing, this day held more for me than your average bride to be. It was my chance to apologise to my body, my chance to see the beauty that I’ve been pushing away for as long as I can remember, a chance to forgive.
So in honour of today and in honour of my body I’ve decided to write an apology for all those years of heartache.
I’m sorry for abusing you for so long, for cutting, for starving, for bingeing.
I’m sorry for wishing you away and attempting to shrink you down to an impossible goal.
I’m sorry for comparing you to everyone and never believing you were enough.
For so long you were just trying to be you, willing me to accept you and when I didn’t, you didn’t quit. You survived, time and time again you refused to give up and that is something I didn’t appreciate .
When you wanted to be cared for, I forced you to be alone.
When you wanted to be soothed, I crushed your hope.
When you wanted to be nurtured, I stole it away.
Despite all of this, you kept me alive and you kept me safe.
I’ve watched you grow and change.
I’ve watch you overcome every obstacle and every life changing situation, you never once let me down.
So thank you, you were never at fault.
You are a work of art, something that should never be overlooked. A landscape of beauty and strength, never ceasing to amaze me. You are beautiful, you are always worthy, always loved and will forever look like a princess. Not just on your wedding day.